


Three Words That Became Hard To Say

by zahrawrites



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Anna and Castiel are siblings, Dean's getting married, F/M, Heartbreak, Implied Castiel/Dean Winchester, M/M, Past Castiel/Dean Winchester, Sad Ending, Self-Sacrifice, background Jess/Sam - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-08
Updated: 2015-04-08
Packaged: 2018-03-21 21:47:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,504
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3705643
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zahrawrites/pseuds/zahrawrites
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean's getting married and having doubts and Cas can help. </p><p>The idea for this came from an episode I saw of How I Met Your Mother (The End of the Aisle (season 9) - and yes, I know we're all still seething about how the show ended) where Robin's getting married to Barney and there's a scene where she doubts everything and I thought 'hey, a deancas fic would be perfect for that' so here it is. </p><p>If you haven't seen HIMYM, don't worry, it's not a prerequisite for reading this fic. </p><p> </p><p>Fic title is from I and Love and You by The Avett Brothers.<br/>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fv0R5R3TSmw</p><p>As usual, constructive criticism and comments are always welcome.</p><p>Enjoy x</p>
            </blockquote>





	Three Words That Became Hard To Say

"Can you get me Cas?"

"Why?" Jo asks, fixing a strand of stray hair in his hotel room mirror.

"Could you just do it?" Dean's voice slips into frustration and she realizes something’s off.

"Whatever it is, I can do it. Tell me." She offers but this isn’t something he thinks she can fix.

"Jo, _please_."

She takes in his reflection, he's fidgeting and shifting from foot to foot. "Alright, gimme two minutes princess." She rolls her eyes and leaves the room.

 

-X-x-X-

 

"The groom wants to see the best man." Sam and Castiel both stand but Jo shoves Sam's shoulder playfully.

"Not you, romeo. The other one."

Sam laughs and takes his seat beside Jess who intertwines their hands. 

"Is everything okay?" Castiel asks as he follows Jo up to the correct hotel room.

She shrugs, her blonde curls bouncing around her shoulders. "He was just desperate to see you."

She leaves Castiel at the room door with a pat on the back and a quiet _good luck_.

 

-X-x-X-

 

Dean paces shoeprints into the carpet for seven minutes (he counts) until he hears murmuring outside his door. He practically drags his best friend inside and confesses, "I can’t do this."

"Do what?" Castiel walks up to him and brushes off his shoulders and straightens the sides of his suit jacket before he stills Castiel's hands, ensures his gaze is met and says, "I can’t get married." He’s sure he looks like a mess but he’s serious. He proposed to Anna a few months ago and the planning had been perfect, no hiccups or anything, but now, standing in his hotel room, a few hours before he’s due to say _I do_ , he doesn’t think he can do it.

His grip on Castiel’s hands tightens as his stress levels rise.

"Dean, you’re being ridiculous. Of course you can. You’re just nervous." Castiel replies so _fucking_ calmly and that frustrates him even more.

He drops Castiel’s hands and turns away. "No. You don’t get it. I don’t-I don’t…" he struggles.

"You don’t what?" Castiel prompts.

He turns back. "I don’t think she’s the one." He blurts like he’s confessing some government secret. His gaze searches Castiel's for something.

His best friend scoffs. "Dean, you’ve been dating for how many years?"

"Six."

"Exactly, and in all that time, you were perfectly happy. She makes you happy, I’ve seen it."

"Yeah, but-"

"No buts."

"Cas-"

" _Dean_."

They lapse into silence for a few moments.  

Castiel knows he shouldn’t ask, knows it would be pointless, but he can’t help himself. He fixes his cuffs, purposefully not looking at Dean when he asks, "Why would you think that?"

"Because I never found my mom’s ring." Dean's voice is quiet.

Castiel’s face displays confusion so Dean elaborates. "It’s such a fucking stupid thing and you’re gonna think it’s stupid too but… I still think its bad luck that I never found it."

Castiel remembers Dean’s mother’s ring. It’s the only part of her he had left and he’d lost it one night when he’d become so completely and utterly intoxicated over her death. He's never forgiven himself since.

"Dean-" Castiel begins, assumingly to reassure him.

"No, Cas. I just… I think some part of me kinda wanted Anna to magically find it, so it would prove that we were meant to be together or some shit." He runs a hand down his face.

Castiel nods to show his understanding.

"And I know, God _I know_ it's so unfair of me to expect that but I just wanna be with someone who… who comes through for me, y'know? Someone who, _somehow_ , against _all_ odds…" He shrugs and the motion makes him look so small and helpless. "...finds my mom’s ring."

Castiel doesn't know what to say to that so he replies, "Dean... just um, calm down, stay here, I’m going to get you some water, okay?"

Dean nods and runs his fingers through his hair once more as Castiel leaves the room.

 

-X-x-X-

 

He knocks hesitantly on his sister's hotel room door, only a floor away from his best friend's.

"Come in." Comes a sing-song voice from inside.

"Castiel!" Anna smiles wide as she embraces her brother. "Well?" She twirls in her dress.

"You look beautiful." Castiel compliments because she does, she looks completely angelic, donned in white from top to toe, fiery red hair crowning her head. It's understandable why Dean chose her over him.

"I have something for you."

She looks intrigued.

"But I don't want you to get upset." He precedes because he knows her wrath is unparalleled and she is likely to get upset over what Castiel has to give her.

"You're making me nervous. What is it?"

"Not as nervous as Dean, I can assure you." He says quietly, but she hears.

"He's nervous? Why's he nervous?" She asks, panic seeping into her tone.

He doesn't answer her question. Castiel takes a breath and waits a beat as his hand slips into his pocket and fingers the silver band he knows is there.

He swallows and with a burst of courage, presents the ring to Anna. She gasps - hands coming up to cover her mouth - and he doesn't need to be looking at her to know that she knows what it is.

"Is that...?"

"Dean's mother's ring. Yes."

"Where did you find it?"

He shrugs. "Its doesn't matter. You have to give it to Dean."

"Why can't you give it to him? You found it."

"No. _You_ found it."

She still hasn't taken it from him. "Take it, Anna." He steps towards her.

She shakes her head. "It's too much." He understands the weight of what he's asking her to do but it has to be her.

"Anna, _this_ is why he's nervous. Because he needs you to come through for him and I can't-" his voice breaks but he clears his throat and carries on. "It just has to be you. I was going to wait and give it to him after as a wedding present but... he needs it now. And he needs it from you. I thought you might take it the wrong way because you know how much it means to him but..." He trails off with a shrug and pushes it towards her.

 

-X-x-X-

 

"You asked for me again?" Castiel pops his head around Dean’s room door.

"Yeah yeah, come in."

There’s a smile on Dean’s face that Castiel is glad to see.

"You look happy."  He comments and closes the door behind him.

Dean doesn’t waste any time before presenting the ring to Castiel. "Can you believe it? She found it! Cas… _she found it_." He says incredulously, his eyes are wide and he shakes his head in pure disbelief.

Castiel mirrors his smile. He can only imagine how happy Dean would have been had _he_ been the one to give it to him. _It doesn’t matter_ , he thinks. _He’s happy_.

"That’s great. Didn’t I tell you?"

Dean huffs a small laugh. "Yeah, man. Yeah you did." But his smile doesn’t stay on his face for long. Instead, it becomes sad and Castiel doesn’t understand.

"What’s the matter? This is what you wanted, isn’t it?" he asks.

Dean’s looking down at the ring in his fingers; he keeps twirling it over and over. His smile has faded completely, replaced by a wet shine in his eyes and lips pressed together in a thin line like he’s trying not to cry. The dimples around his mouth are on show and Castiel's always adored them.

"Where’d you f-find the ring, Cas?" Dean asks, through a hitched breath.

"I don’t- I didn’t find it. Anna found-"

"Don’t lie to me." He pleads. His voice is quiet but firm. He looks up at Castiel. " _Please_."

Castiel sticks to his guns and shakes his head. "I’m telling you, _she_ found it."

"Fine. Where did she find it?" Dean asks, his tone is calm and it’s unnerving Castiel a little.

"Didn’t she tell you?" In hindsight, Castiel should have cleared this with Anna before he practically ran from her room.

"Nope."

He thinks on his feet. "Remember that weekend you went to see your uncle Bobby?"

Dean nods.

"She turned your entire house upside down looking for it."

Dean breathes a laugh but it’s not a happy one. He shakes his head and says, "I lied, Cas. She said she found it in my old leather jacket. The one I haven’t worn for years."

The look Dean gives him is sorrowful.

"Dean, I don’t-"

"How’d you find it, Cas?"

There’s no backing out now.

He takes a breath and starts. "I thought it might be in your old leather jacket, but then I remembered that that’s in your old storage locker near your old house on the opposite coast. So, I swung by but the jacket wasn't there. Then, I figured maybe Bobby knew, because you were staying with him for a while. He had no clue but he said Jody might know because she cleared out some of your stuff when her and Bobby were together-"

Dean exhales in disbelief. "Jody? Who lives three states away?"

Castiel nods and carries on. "I paid her a visit, she didn’t know but her current girlfriend Donna, made the mistake of giving it to _her_ now ex-husband, Doug, who works as a bartender near their house so-"

"Hold the fuck up." Dean interrupts. "Are you kidding me?" his mouth has dropped open in shock.

"Uh, no I’m not." Castiel is unsure why would think that. "…should I carry on?" he asks hesitantly.

"Yeah, yeah I wanna know." Dean doesn’t look entirely sure that he wants to know but Castiel barrels ahead anyway because it’s about time he got this off his chest.

"Long story short, Doug was wearing it."

"Motherfu-" Dean starts to curse.

" _So_ -" Castiel interjects pointedly. "-I explained the situation and asked him politely if he would return the ring."

He doesn’t carry on so Dean prompts, "And? Did he?"

Castiel exhales sharply. "No, so I knocked him out and just took it back."

Silence. There is nothing to hear except their breathing and the faint murmur of noise of their guests in the garden outside the room window. When Castiel meets Dean’s gaze, he looks both shocked and impressed, _and_ on the verge of kissing him.

" _Holy shit_."

Castiel nods once. "Yes."

"Wait, is this when you practically fucking disappeared for like four weeks?"

"Yes."

"Cas, that was months ago."

Castiel nods and averts his eyes. "And I came back to find out you were marrying my sister." He tries not to say it _like that_ but he can’t help the way he sounds. He had been heartbroken, still is, but there are more important things so he’d smiled at the news and played the role.

"I _really_ can’t do this." Dean chokes out.

Castiel sighs tiredly. "Dean, I’ve just told you everything. You’ve got the ring. Anna loves you. This is perfect. What are you thinking?"

"Oh, I’m thinking a lotta things right now." He breathes a laugh but nothing about what's happening right now is funny.

"Dean, don’t be an idiot." Castiel tries to head off Dean’s thought pattern because he can predict where this is going and it’s not good.

"I’m thinkin’ maybe…"

"Dean, don’t."

"…maybe I should be marrying you." He says it with such conviction that Castiel is ready to say yes but they’ve been over this and he tells Dean as much.

"No, _we_ didn’t. _You_ talked, I listened. That was all. Tell me why I shouldn’t be with the guy who finds my fucking ring? Who takes the blame for me? Who repairs my busted up Impala – which even _Bobby_ said there was no hope for - and gives it to me on my birthday? Who goes big for me _all the damn time_?"

"Because I’m not that guy anymore, Dean." He replies, running a frustrated hand through his hair - which is completely untameable anyway so it won't make a difference. He regrets ever bringing this up, he should have just waited till after the ceremony to give Dean the ring like he’d planned.

"Then why the hell did you work so hard to find this for me?" Dean holds up the ring between them.

"It-it was going to be a gift."

Dean scoffs. "Cas, stop it, okay? I know you better than that. This is more than a gift."

Castiel looks down and scuffs the carpet with the toe of his shoe. "It started out that way." He admits. "I guess some part of me thought maybe- maybe you still loved me."

Dean looks like he’s about to say something but Castiel cuts him off. "But the truth is…" he meets Dean’s eyes and he knows this is going to hurt but he has to say it. "…I don’t love you like that anymore." His heart is beating frantically inside his chest because that’s the biggest lie he’s ever told and he can’t stop the burning behind his eyes and Dean looks so _so_ hurt. "And you don’t love me like that anymore."

"You love Anna." He says, like that’ll help. And for a moment, it does. Because the small smile that lightens Dean’s face at the mention of her name is unparalleled to anything Castiel could give Dean.

"And if you think that I would ever be a part of messing that up…" he shrugs. "…then maybe you don’t know me at all, Dean."

Dean clears his throat and nods like its obvious. Castiel watches for a while as Dean plays with the ring in his hands before taking it gently from his fingers. Castiel turns it over, traces his fingertips over its indents and marks, and appreciates its flaws. They’re standing barely inches apart and Castiel can feel the body heat through their clothing. He takes Dean’s hand slowly, in enough time to allow him to pull away – he doesn’t.

"You’re happy?" Castiel whispers into the space between them.

"I am." Dean replies, voice just as quiet, as Castiel slides the jewellery onto his ring finger where it rests comfortably.

"And you love her?" he asks, looking up to find green eyes blurred with tears that are threatening to spill. Dean blinks and they fall. The hubbub from outside is louder than their barely audible speech and he’s glad because he’s not sure he could do this at full volume where other people could hear. Dean’s gaze tracks over his face, it flicks down to his lips as Castiel swipes under Dean’s eyes to clear the tear tracks.

"I do." The two words feel heavier, more weighted than they should but Castiel doesn’t allow them to dwell on it.

He smiles. "Then that’s all that matters."

A few hours later, when his sister and his best friend stand facing each other and officially say those two words, he knows he will gladly, willingly sacrifice everything - including himself… _especially_ himself, to keep that smile on Dean’s face.

**Author's Note:**

> If you're interested, my Tumblr is [here](http://prettyboydean.tumblr.com)  
> Drop me a message, tell me what you thought - I'd really appreciate it :)


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